Reflecting on myself yet again?

What kind of person do you think I am? It's not a rhetorical question. I used to be...funny, someone you could possibly relate to. Now, I don't think I'm the slightest bit humorous. I don't know exactly when, or even what brought it on. I guess I've taken matters into my own hands. To be taken seriously, and to be treated with respect. But I won't get any of that here. Here, intelligence gives you hate and resentment. I no longer strive to appeal to anyone. And that's the truth. My mind is no longer clouded with insufferable thoughts about what the next big thing is, or which peers I should impress. Now, I am simply....strange. Obsessing over prime time television shows. Giving myself a false sense of worth. I guess something about imagining yourself leading that fantasy life is so overwhelming. I want something out of life. To be something, to make my name known. To go to college, get a PhD and get known. For my intellect, my wit. Is that even rational? Honestly, the people here? They'll only hold me back. There's no one to understand me. I want to have fun, with people who are like me. Is there even someone relatively close? Maybe Monika. :) I'm not saying they are not good enough for me, but its that I'm not good enough for them. Can I say I'm not like normal teens? I want to be noticed, I'll give you that much. Physically? Not really. Sure, I love clothes. I love to buy clothes. Who's to say I don't care what I look like? Because I do. So very much. No one whats to be unattractive; you'd have to insane. But I'm saying I don't go semi-catatonic everyday I look bad. I want to be noticed. To be mentally, emotionally, and intellectually attractive. Is that too much to ask? Is there anyone out there to appreciate that? What's a girl supposed to do?
Those who were my best friends last year, don't even speak to me. Actually, to put it more bluntly, they don't acknowledge me. I've lost most of them. And it's not on bad terms, don't get me wrong. People change. I've changed. Am I completely terrible to say I don't care? I've begun to isolate myself, mentally. You won't know when I dislike you, at least, not 'til I verbalize it.

*Oh, dear. I'm currently watching "The Alamo" on AMC. I'm watching the scene where Davy Crockett plays the violin while the Mexican army drums in the sunset. It's quite beautiful and it always makes my heart swell. What can I say, one of my favorite movies.*

I'm beginning to resent my peers. Even those who consider themselves my friends. It's when the jokes are no longer funny, the pretend mocking is offensive and I stop laughing that I realize, you aren't my friend. I guess, I've put my heart into neutral and my brain into overdrive. I've begun to think more logically, to become objective. Of course, I'll never become completely un-subjective. I'll make more friends, eventually. Most likely in a different place. I'll still ogle guys, who would never even take a second to look at me. Hey, I'm only human. I still have feelings. And I don't think I'm better than some people. I know I am. I guess you could call me one of those superior types. No, I don't think I'm more important, or that my life has more value than yours, because I'm not. Every life is worth the same amount of regard, whether or not they get it or not. But it's just that I AM a better person than a lot of people. I go about complaining about how I suck, but I don't. I understand I am a likable person. I wish someone would just notice it.

Ah, what do I have it in for this weekend? A major PowerPoint presentation on France, a Biology project encompassing a 8 by 8 Punnett square, and an English assignment. Alas, the beauty and glory of the 3 day weekend.